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After One Nightmarish Year, the Plague of Beardless Marlins is Over in Miami

Funny and Happy

The “Plague of Beardless Marlins” sounds like a rejected Stephen King novel, doesn’t it?

In reality, the title of this post is referring to the utterly ridiculous and definitely pointless (tell us how you really feel) ban on facial hair for all members of the Miami Marlins.

The ban went into effect last year, and was a constant battle between players and staff.


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Fortunately, it was recently lifted! Huzzah! The day is ours!

In a story at the Miami Herald, Clark Spencer reports that Marlins players will now – once again – be free to grow mustaches and beards … so long as they’re kept neat and tidy. “Groomed is what we talked about,” Manager Don Mattingly said to the Miami Herald. “We talked about keeping it groomed and being professional.”

It’s not entirely clear whether the ban initiated in the front office (with “for-now” owner Jeffery Loria) or in the dugout with manager Don Mattingly, but it was widely despised almost immediately after becoming public.


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The ban received some extra heat when Andrew Cashner was traded from the Padres (part of the pro-beard party) to the Marlins (part of the whatever-the-hell-they-say-goes party):

Poor guy.

Cashner has since signed with the Texas Rangers – where hair is allowed – but I wonder (not really) if he would have stayed, if he knew the rule would be loosened up.


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The only person disappointed to hear the news was Brian Wilson, who shaved his famous beard as part of his knuckleball comeback attempt, clearly as an attempt to woo the Marlins. Or Yankees. Or maybe he just hated all the upkeep:

Another poor guy. He should’ve waited a week or two.


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Michael Cerami

Michael Cerami writes about MLB at Baseball Is Fun. You can find him on Twitter @Michael_Cerami.

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